Gopher

Dear Mr. Gopher,

  Your destructive presence in my back yard is no longer wanted.  I have warned you many times that your feloniousness and destruction was no longer going to be tolerated.  I do not understand why you would choose to destroy my back yard when there are hundreds of acres of fields you could live out your life in, in peace.  But you have chosen to take up residence in my back yard and treat it like its a buffet line for you to devour.  I have decided that your life will be ending shortly.  You made a mistake when you started digging in a yard that is not inside city limits, and a yard owner that is armed.   The next time I see you making a huge mess of my yard your life will end.  I wish it did not have to come to this, I try to be non violent and live and let live but you sir have crossed the line.  The damage has been done, and the war is on!  

Thanks for your time
Rick  (the guy pointing the shot gun at you)